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Napoleon Hill – 10 Rules for Success

Just a quick note. This morning I decided to do my “educational listening” to Napoleon Hill. And I thought I put together the Top 10 Napoleon Hill Rules for Success. Words are funny tools for communication. I’m not sure that everyone will completely understand the meanings that I intend, so I hope that if you have any questions or comments, you’ll take the time to reach out to me so we can talk about it.

For now, I want to get this list out and on the blog so I can get ready to go into the office!
Enjoy your day

Napoleon Hill 10 Rules for Success

  1.  A definite Purpose, Followed by a Plan, followed by Action. It’s not too important that the plan is sound, because you can always adjust your plan, however it is important that you have a definite purpose.
  2. Get along peacefully with others. Great people always avoid small incident of controversy when possible.
  3. Believe. If you want to achieve something you must form the habit of belief in the possibility of that achievement. Repeat every day the statement of your belief in the possibility of your success.
  4. Take Responsibility. Write down your definite purpose, write down what you intend to give for Napoleon Hills 10 rules for Successwhat you desire and memorize both of your statements. What you desire and what you intend to give for it. Repeat it a dozen time daily and always end with a statement of gratitude for everything you have already been given.
  5. Take Action. You will not get any results from your definite purpose without taking action towards that purpose.
  6. Improve Your Personality. This is your trademark and it’s the thing that determines your success or failure moving towards your purpose.
  7. Create and Act upon possibilities. Your definite purpose will make you more alert to the possibilities and opportunities in regards to your goal. It’s your job to act upon those opportunities to create the action steps towards your goal. Condition your mid to embrace opportunities and you will avoid procrastination and Make opportunities
  8. Success must be planned. You can create luck by creating and implementing a plan. By putting together a team to bring with you and work together towards success. “Success is the knowledge of getting what you want in life without violating the rights of others and by helping others acquire it”
  9. Maintain a positive mind. The slightest bit of a negative attitude is enough to destroy the positive forward movement. Create the environment of pure positive energy and move with courage and determination towards your definite purpose.
  10. Conceive, Believe, Achieve. This is a Napoleon Hill standard. This doesn’t say anything about finances or education. This is purely an internal working of your thought process. If you can conceive it and believe in the possibility, then you can achieve it!

I think one of the things that really hit me this morning is that “success is a habit”.  A habit is something that we do over and over again… without thinking.   Imagine creating a habit of success.

Have an amazing day!




Emotional Scale – And How to Use It

In yesterday’s workshop we talked about how to FEEL better about situations and circumstances. Sometimes it’s difficult to be observing what is happening and find a better feeling.  Whether it’s loss or lack, the way that we think about things is directly related to the way that we will FEEL about them.  It’s our feelings or emotions that drive our actions, which in turn create our results.

Think –> Emotion
Emotion –> Action
Action –> Result

For many, the EMOTION comes first, then creates the thoughts –>action–>results.  In the end it’s the results that we experience.  If you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting the same results.

Since our feelings/emotions are so powerfully connected to what we experience, I told the group about a tool I know called: The Emotional Scale.  I told the attendees of my workshop I’d send them a copy of the emotional scale and I thought I’d share it with you too.

Yesterday we talked about the difference between positive thinking vs. positive being. Recognizing when you are feeling something (or thinking something) that doesn’t serve your greater good, can’t always be fixed by saying positive words.  If the words don’t created a better feeling if they don’t encourage, energize or support your happiness it won’t have much affect on your actions. (and in turn the results)

The Emotional Scale is one tool to help you intentionally lift yourself towards a better feeling, by deliberately seeking better feeling thoughts.

So, without further adieu… the Emotional Scale

emotional scaleSometimes it feels impossible for you to imagine feeling Joy about a situation or circumstance.

Sometimes the struggle is too real and you can’t get that top feeling of power, freedom and love, because what you are looking at, what you experiencing is too far down the emotional scale.


Contrary to what our culture teaches us, we don’t have to be HAPPY all the time.  Sometimes just a little better is … enough.

To use the emotional scale, when you find yourself feeling bad, try to find a little relief but moving up the scale.

Can you go from Jealousy to anger? or Disappointment to frustration?

The idea is to train yourself to look for a better feeling. To recognize that you want to feel better, and allow yourself the relief.

Many times we have such a great attachment to our negative feelings that we have to release them completely and just go for something that we KNOW will feel better.  So, it’s not always a straight shot up the scale.  Sometimes it’s a long route.  Going from desperate to pay the bills, to something better isn’t easy.  So, stop thinking about the bills for a moment and stop beating the drum of your feelings of lack of money and stress of bills, and think about other areas of your life that are abundant.

FEEL that better emotion and milk that for a while.

Career/money, health and relationships are the most common requests for coaching.

In almost all cases the individual is stuck trying to achieve things from the “outside – in”, in other words, they are trying to get stuff.  They believe our cultures hype about self worth being based on accumulating things… Actually, our happiness has to start from within.  And we need to understand where we are, so we know where to go.

That’s why we say, “Can’t buy love” or “Money can’t buy happiness” because money isn’t the goal, it’s just a tool to the goal.  The goal is joy, freedom, love.


If you are in New Jersey and interested in joining these workshops, your invited to  join this meetup and RSVP as the workshops are posted.






Day 5 – Finding your soul purpose in what you already know

Day 5: Go with the Flow or Finding your soul purpose in what you already know

Recently I’ve been listening to the Book Living with FLOW by Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi and what is amazing me the most is the validation. I think that everything that I’m reading is filling me with that “I knew it!” kind of feeling… or that “Finally someone else has seen it!” and in the end I realize that all of my favorite authors are really speaking about the same thing, they are just using different words.

Words are important.

Words mean different things to different people.

Sometimes I struggle with words and I don’t know why.  Actually, it seems more and more when I say “shoe” the other person seems to be saying “sneaker”.  Sure they’re both footwear, but are they the same?   Do you see what I mean?  There isn’t a big difference in my mind about a Shoe vs. a Sneaker but there is a difference.  And in some conversations that difference may make a big difference, like I would never enter a race, wearing a shoe.

Funny thing about words is that we all think that we all have the same meaning for them.  We all think that by saying “shoe” we will all know what each other’s intention is.  We have an agreement to understand the language, but the meaning is completely unique to each person.  I picked the example of Sneaker vs. Shoe because I don’t have much of an emotional attachment to those words, and I don’t know many people that do.  What if I had used these similar words?

Money vs Wealth

Mom vs. Mother

Dad vs. Father

Vacation vs. Time off

Work vs. Job

Child vs. Kid

My almost teenage daughters are the masters of using the right words with the wrong tone of voice.  They argue with each other without actually “saying” anything inappropriate.  Sometimes we do the same thing to ourselves.  We say the right things, but we don’t have the right “feeling” behind what we’re saying.  Does that make sense?  It’s like deciding that you will think positive and you start to really say all the right things, and each time you look in the mirror and say, “I am beautiful” you feel the opposite.  Sometimes it’s not easy to find the positive word that has the matching emotion.  Use the words that you can FEEL correctly.

If money feels negative, if it makes you think and feel the stress of lack or makes you think about upcoming bills, substitute it for words like abundance, or finances, or wealth.  (I am smiling to myself thinking about how I would say something like, “I’m working on my personal wealth portfolio” because it is a sentence that has no powerful negative feelings for me and in fact, is a little silly.

So, all of that is to say, that the book Living with Flow the author wants you to think about those moments, when you are so engrossed in an activity that nothing else seems to matter. “The experience itself is so enjoyable that you do it for the sheer sake of doing it. Consciousness is harmoniously ordered. Your attention is singularly focused like a laser beam”

We all have or have had those moments.  Our challenge today is to remember them and try to find them in our life today.

Ask Yourself these questions:

When was the last time I did something that completely absorbed my attention in such an intense way that I stopped noticing my surroundings?


When was the last time that I did something where my skills had become so practiced that everything seemed to come naturally, spontaneously and effortlessly?


What is the activity that I would typically be doing when I feel this way?


Some people will have a harder time answering these questions, but I believe that we have all experienced the feeling of FLOW.

Here’s where words and their finicky meanings come in and play games.  I’m saying flow, but I could just as easily say inspiration, the vortex, pure potentiality, creativity, brainstorm, revelation, divine intervention, and yes, soul purpose.

These words aren’t just words, they are a feeling. They each carry meaning and emotion. It’s up to you to decide which word you will use to become the masterpiece of your life.  To become the architect of your existence and the building block for joy.

Today you are going to start to rewrite how you feel about your moments.  Today you are going to practice that thing where you lose yourself for moments and hours in the creative power of the universe.  Today you are going to remember what it feels like to be part of something bigger, the better part of you.

According to Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi there are 8 components of enjoyment.

  1. Clear Goal – This is particularly validating for me because while I may not always reach each goal, I have always believed that without a destination I feel like a sugar ant just wandering aimlessly on the counter looking for a spilled morsel. The goal, like a pinpoint on a map provides clarity and guidance even if it just implies a direction.

    Remember the last time you were in the vortex of your pure potential?  You had a goal. You wanted to complete or create something specific that you could imagine. That is all you need for a clear goal.  Your imagination. Sometimes goals seem overwhelming, no problem.  Set that big goal, then work backwards and break it down into smaller more manageable goals.

  2. Feedback – This is the ability to measure whether you’re getting closer to your goal. Sports are great examples, because you know whether the game is almost over, or not nearly over, you also know whether you hit the ball well, or are performing well. If you are a painter or a gardener or writer or Mom, your goals help you work against a deadline which helps you measure your progress.  Which in turn allows you to provide yourself with the feedback you need to enjoy what you are doing.

    There is also negative feedback.  There will always be other people that will resist your movement towards joy.  Sometimes they think they are doing it for your own good, sometimes they just want to take control over your situation. This is where you goal is the most powerful, because in almost all cases, your goal is not to make that one other person happy.  Right?  Most people that interject negative comments or energy into a situation are trying to take control and this isn’t about them.  They can have their opinions and make their comments, you have a goal which has nothing to do with them.

  3. Challenges Match Skills – Setting attainable but challenging goals is the key. If you decide to achieve something that’s too easy, you’ll get bored.  If you decide to set a goal that is too difficult you may get frustrated, the idea behind finding the maximum amount of enjoyment in anything is that it draws from your current skillset.  You have a creative or logical or athletic power that with the right goal and measurement you can turn into sheer joy!
  4. Concentration – You will agree that when you are experiencing the moments of inspiration you are most likely to be concentrating your energy in a single ray of intense concentration.  You are devoted to the task in front of you and feel accomplishment and inner harmony as it unfolds.  Too often, throughout the day we are starting and stopping and starting and stopping our attention and we are left with the feeling of half done frazzledness. (my new word)  Concentration is our reward for our intentional attention to our creative force and our desire to reach out goal.
  5. Focus – This may seem similar to concentration but in reading the book Living in Flow I understand the difference. The author wants us to recognize the difference between our intentional attention (concentration) and the result (focus).  With focus we release our attachment to the things like stress, frustration, and allow the relief that is found mostly in the present moment.  The time when we aren’t thinking about future problems or past frustrations but rather, experiencing the “now”.
  6. Control – This aspect is really more about recognizing the possibilities of control, more than actually having control.  If you had complete control, then there would be no challenge, and a challenge to your skill set is still a requirement, so this aspect really speaks to your ability to see the challenge, believe in your ability to overcome and in the end have control.
  7. Loss of Self-Consciousness – This is the piece that I love. The piece where we lose our inhibitions and we stop telling ourselves, “I’m not good enough”, “Why would anyone read my book” or “Why would anyone listen to me” or “Why should I even try” and we just dive into the pool of our creativity and swim towards the goal, passing the markers of feedback, challenge, concentration, focus and control and releasing ourselfs to the sense of “self-transcendence”
  8. Transformation of time – This is where the hours may seem like minutes. This is where you look up and realize that the last few minutes have really been hours, or seconds minutes.

Cool right?  I feel like I knew this list my whole life, however it’s clear that I didn’t, or more of my time doing the things that I do may have been molded differently.  Do you agree?  Seeing the list brings clarity right?  I imagine, that we have all started something that we thought would bring us joy, only to find that we either got bored ( no challenge) or never “got it” (no defined goal) or maybe just quit (no feedback or negative feedback)

So, today I want you to daydream.  I want you to rehearse and think about these 8 components in this order.  I want you to think about a goal, then how it can be measured, then the skills you have to reach the goals as well as the skills you will need to develop… You get it right, go down the list!

VISUALIZE that Dream (you know the difference between a dream and a goal?  A goal has a deadline) 🙂

Visualize this whole process until you can’t wait to start.  Then. Start something.


How to Heal the Emotional Pen

One day you picked up a pen.  Maybe someone asked you to pick it up, maybe you saw it and thought you’d like it … the fact is, one day you picked up the pen.

Look at that pen in your hand.  You tell everyone (including yourself) the story about how the pen got there.  You tell everyone (including yourself) how beautiful it was, or how nicely it used to write, and how in the end you were tricked, mislead, manipulated into picking up the pen, and you look at it.

All you see is the pen, you don’t see your hand clutching it so tightly… anymore.

You have it in your hand, and you choose to grip it firmly. Imagine always having that pen in your hand.  Imagine going to sleep, taking a shower, going to work, always gripping the pen in one hand.

You show this pen in your hand to people and say, “LOOK AT THIS!  I am so limited because of this pen in my hand!” or “I can’t do that because of this pen in my hand.”  And after a while, the pen and its story become your story.  You are the pen.

Sadly, the world confirms that.  They tell you, “Of course, we understand you’re limited because of the pen in your hand.”  Or “It’s not your fault you picked up the pen.” Or “Tell us again the sad sad tale of the day you picked up the pen.”

Sometimes….  They ask you, “Why don’t you let go of the pen?” and that question infuriates you.

You hold your pen high into the air and call to all people holding pens.  You point at people without pens and accuse them of targeting you because they don’t know what it’s like to hold a pen, day in and day out. You say you shouldn’t have to put the pen down, after all, it’s not your fault that you are holding it…. and you tell your story again.  The story about the day you became the pen.

They don’t ask again.  They know better. You are the pen.


Have you ever wondered?

Have you ever thought about releasing your grip?

Have you ever thought about holding your fist up to the sky and unfurling your fingers?

Close your eyes and imagine the pen releasing and your hand completely free. Envision a future story without the limitations of the pen in one hand.

The fact is, I have a desk drawer filled with pens… most people do.  Some are harder to put down than others, but in the end.  Pens are used for writing stories, they are not the story.


Refusing to Accept the Insult or The Gift of the Insult

Recently I had an opportunity to “practice what I preach” so to speak.  Someone that I personally know, was intentionally setting out to try to “make me” feel bad about something.  And while I’m not going to go into the personal matter here, I will say…initially I did, I mean feel bad.  I read the email and I could feel my face get red, my ears burn and my pulse race.  I read the email again and the nastiness washed over me like a terrible hot bath … of I don’t know what.

I spent about 30 minutes, writing than rewriting a reply to the email.  I listed and relisted all of the reasons I was right, and the nastiness was not called for… The more I wrote, the worse I felt.  I was angry and mad and frustrated at their lack of understanding.

Then I deleted it all, and took a deep breath.   I realized that those replies were all about me “accepting” what this person had written and accepting their power to make me react without thinking.

The power of mindfulness is really in being able to pay attention to what you’re thinking.

You see…

Your thoughts –> Emotions
Emotions –> Action
Action –> Results

Mindfulness is about understanding your present moment. What you are experiencing right now and with intentional thinking it allows you to take back your life.  You are not a victim of circumstance, you are the author of your life.  You are in control of how you think about the things you think about.

In fact, because I gave myself those moments of thought I remembered something that I had recently read, and I’m going to share it with you now.

The Gift of the Insult


There once lived a great warrior. Though quite old, he still was able to defeat any challenger. His reputation extended far and wide throughout the land and many students gathered to study under him.


One day an infamous young warrior arrived at the village. He was determined to be the first man to defeat the great master. Along with his strength, he had an uncanny ability to spot and exploit any weakness in an opponent.


He would wait for his opponent to make the first move, thus revealing a weakness, and then would strike with merciless force and lightning speed. No one had ever lasted with him in a match beyond the first move.


Much against the advice of his concerned students, the old master gladly accepted the young warrior’s challenge. As the two squared off for battle, the young warrior began to hurl insults at the old master. He threw dirt and spit in his face.


For hours he verbally assaulted him with every curse and insult known to mankind. But the old warrior merely stood there motionless and calm. Finally, the young warrior exhausted himself. Knowing he was defeated, he left feeling shamed.


Somewhat disappointed that he did not fight the insolent youth, the students gathered around the old master and questioned him. “How could you endure such an indignity? How did you drive him away?”


“If someone comes to give you a gift and you do not receive it,” the master replied, “to whom does the gift belong?”



If someone gives you a gift, and you don’t accept it.  Who does the gift belong to?  Yes, of course, the person who tried to give it to you.  I wasn’t refusing the gift to “get back” at anyone, I simply refused the gift and let it go back where it came from.  I don’t have those things.

I get to choose which gifts I will accept.

Have an amazing day.



Bringing Prosperity Back

Have you noticed how little the word “prosperity” is used today in conversation and the media? It’s almost portrayed as a pipe-dream, something of the past, elusive and unattainable.  The fact is, when we stop talking about things in an achievable way, we stop believing in our ability to attain them.  Prosperity is one of those things. It’s no longer part of our conversation.

Prosperity is one of those words that means something different to each person. To some it may mean, long vacations with the family, and others a nice home, and yet others more people buying their product. The fact is, that learning to believe that prosperity no long exists or at least no longer exists for you, is what we call in the business; a limiting belief.

I know, you can’t help it.  (Believe me I know) The media tells you that the economy is terrible, your friends tell you that there aren’t any jobs, your personal experience supports that trading time for money is getting harder and harder. “Wait? What!?!  Trading time for money?”

Yes, you do understand that if you are getting paid for working… you are trading your time for money.  right?  Even if you are a plumber, a lawyer, a politician, you are trading your time for money.  If you don’t put the time in, you don’t get the money out. (let’s not quibble over your paid sick days and vacation days, you know they are all part of your time for money contract).

Prosperity for people who trade their time for money can only ever be translated into –more opportunities to earn more money for my time.  The people who believe in prosperity are still finding it, they just aren’t talking about it, or writing about it because they are busy… earning it.

These people have the following attributes in common:

  • Clearly defined goals
  • Action Step Map towards goals
  • Integrity

These are simple steps to success.  Simple, does not necessarily mean easy.

Experiencing prosperity means that you need to clearly define what prosperity means to you.  Why not give it a try and write down what you think prosperity means… go ahead, I’ll wait. … seriously, give it a shot, complete the statement:

“Prosperity means ________________________________________”  or maybe you’d prefer,

“I will feel prosperous when ___________________________________”.


Did you get something like:

“Prosperity means not having to work two jobs.”

“I will feel prosperous when I can treat the family to a vacation without worrying about money.”

Both of them, great statements, and both of them terribly unclear goals.  Try it again, and make it very clear.  Prosperity means not having to work two jobs because I am earning double my income… a little better but still not there.  Why?  Because we aren’t trained for prosperity.

We aren’t trained to recognize prosperity and accept it and allow it.

We are, however, trained to complain.

Prosperity requires responsibility.  The individuals that are experiencing prosperity right now, took ownership and created this aspect of their experience, regardless of what everyone around might have been saying.

Ask yourself which serves your prosperity better:

You’ve lost your job
Complaining about no jobs out there       or      being excited about the adventure of a new opportunity

You’re in debt
Complaining about no money    or    researching opportunities for additional streams of money

Your overweight
Complaining about how you look   or   loving yourself and who you are and being that person

Before you get all, “OH! This is just positive thinking yada yada yada…” I want to make sure you understand, this isn’t just turning something negative into a positive, this is CHANGING how you think about the things you think about. This change in perspective looks simple, however it isn’t easy.  Especially for the person that is so used to only seeing the evidence of their lack of prosperity. In fact, most people won’t even try a new outlook because it is so simple, that they don’t believe it can possibly work.

Let me ask you this, “Is what you’re doing now working?”  Because if it is, then you don’t need to change anything. However, if what you are doing is not working… then why would you keep doing the same thing?  Why wouldn’t you investigate and research and decide to change something to get a different result?

Who is in control of what you think?  The government? The Media? Your Boss or co-workers?  Why would any of those people spend ANY time telling you about your ability to succeed?  You literally can’t afford to wait for someone to come along and drag you up to the top earning level, if you want prosperity, then you need to do something about that. You are in control of you.

If you don’t believe me?  Start a conversation about prosperity and see what happens.  Does it turn into a group of people complaining about money or a group of people brainstorming about possibilities? 9 out of 10 times it will be the first: complaining.  Trying to interject any positive spin usually results in someone providing evidence for their argument against abundance.

The fact is, people succeed all the time.  There are more self made millionaires in our country now than ever, in fact over 80% of the current millionaires did not inherit their money.  They earned it. In order for you to believe in prosperity for yourself, you have to first believe in your possibilities.

You can start here:

Set Clear Goals
Create Effective Action Steps
Be honest

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Law of Attraction Coaching, what’s all the hullabaloo?

What’s all the hullabaloo about The Law of Attraction?

Well, for starters Law of Attraction Coaching encourages you to think differently.  Having said that, there isn’t a coach or motivational speaker out there that isn’t already telling you the same thing.  In essence, the idea is that if you don’t like where you are now if you don’t like what IS NOW, then you have to change something.  And according to everyone that has ever given any screen time to the Law of Attraction that change needs to start at your head.

It makes sense.  You can call it Law of Attraction, you can call it focused thinking, you can call it directed intention, or defined purpose.  The point is, that rather than just allowing your day to happen to you the LOA coaches are asking you to participate.  The tools are your thoughts and their accompanying emotions.

The idea is simple.  If you don’t like your job, if you dread getting up and going to work.  You are to set to the task of imagining your perfect most relaxing and enjoyable and fulfilling professional experience.  You have to feel that work experience.  Your choices are to either recognize the things you like about your current circumstances and spend more time on that focus or focus on your perfect situation and spend time looking around for that job.

The thing that I feel like most literature about the Law of Attraction is missing is… ACTION.

You see, it’s true.  When you start to broaden your perspective and begin to open yourself to new and different circumstances of situations your life will change. There will be a change in your demeanor, and perhaps through a series of events, you will “fall into” a new situation, one that is better and closer to your ultimate goal.  The fact is… that still requires action.

Sometimes, if we want to make a BIG change, we need to have a more detailed focused goal, and a plan and take decisive and big action.

The fact is, most “luck” is really 5 – 7 years of hard work finally culminating.  We see an actor or author or politician or business owner and their success and we see that moment of achievement, we don’t see the time and energy that was investing in creating the success.  So, as scary as that may sound, and as nice as it would be to sit back and think happy thoughts, without big action, you will not receive significant success.

Now, some of the other bits and pieces about the LOA field and teachings are actually helping in handling and dealing with the struggles towards your personal success.  For instance, the connection between what we think and what we feel is necessary.  It’s true that all of our thoughts have feelings attached.  Many times, for various reasons we’ve created habits of thinking that stop us from taking steps in the direction of our success.  Maybe we believe it will be too hard, or perhaps we think that eventually we will fail and thoughts like, “why bother” or “I can’t” arise.

Understanding that we are able to create the world we live in IS a big responsibility and it’s so much easier to sit back and allow things to happen, then to actively mold those ideas into reality.  The fact is, we can either be pro-active and drive our destiny or we can sit in the back seat and be reactive.

Proactive people say, “how can I help?”

Reactive people wait to be asked.

No one is going to ask you, “Hey, would you like to be successful today?”

You need to step up and ask yourself, “How can I help myself be successful?”

The first step is always going to be FOCUSED THOUGHTS.

Focused Thoughts –> Feelings

Feelings –> Actions

Actions –> Results

Now the key is to have more GOOD results and fewer UNWANTED results.

I don’t want to belabor the point, because I’m sure we all recognize how our thoughts create feelings.  Sometimes we may even experience the feelings first, that then drive the thoughts. The fact is, that if we want to take actions and we want to take positive actions.  We want to take a look at the results we’ve gotten in the past and tweak our thoughts à feelings à actions, a bit to modify the outcome.

And that is how the Law of Attraction actually works.

You focus your thoughts on how it feels to succeed, and you are more inclined to take the actions required for success.

Perhaps you take the time to write a book, apply for a job, sell products on eBay.  The fact is, when you believe in your success, you are more motivated to spend the time doing the things needed to experience success.  You will look around for opportunities, you will have different conversations with other people and yourself.

Make today amazing, because you are amazing.


Respond vs. React

A car cuts you off on the highway.  Do you respond or react?

Someone takes the last [insert something desired] right from under your outreached hand.  Do you respond or reach?

It snows 6 inches on the most important day of your life (this week).  Do you respond or react?

Your car gets crashed while you’re shopping and you come out to an empty crime scene, no note on the window no witnesses.  Do you respond or react?

What about the really hard stuff.  What about the life changing stuff.

Reacting: to exert a reciprocal or counteracting force or influence, in other words, a knee jerk push back at the thing that has affected you.   You push back at the car that cuts you off, you push back at the person that took the last shiny apple, you stomp angrily around talking smack about the snow.  Get it?

Responding: to say, write or do something as an answer. In other words, an opportunity to understand GO OUT THERE AND DO AMAZING THINGSthe big picture, the wholeness of what’s involved and to involve yourself by understanding who you are to all of that and to yourself.  Are you just a person driving down the highway affected someone who cut your off, or are you so much more, with so many different and better things to think about?  Are you just a person wanting that apple, or a person willing to share and look for a different solution.

The point is if we spend out lives limited by reacting to what occurs how will we even notice when opportunities are offered?  We won’t because we aren’t thinking with the intent to respond to life we are reacting.  Noticing possibilities requires your attention to things that may not necessarily directly affect you, that requires thought… that requires that you spend more time responding to events and circumstances than reacting.

The easiest way to set this kind of change into motion is to start to think about who you are.  Think about the person you want to be, and what that means in terms of what you are willing to think about.  Are you the person that spends half the morning talking about the person that cut you off on the highway, or the person that recognizes talking about something like that has no positive consequence and you are all about positive.

Who are you to you?

Still challenged by reacting, what about using the age-old tool of counting back from 10?  You know it only takes 7 seconds to defuse your emotional response and 17 seconds to start a new emotional response.

Next time you recognize that you are reacting, count to 10.  Then think of something else that will provide you with relief.  I’m sure you’ve heard this before… for years, people suffering from anxiety over public speaking have been encouraged to picture the audience in their underwear, the same holds true for frustration, anger, sadness.  When we choose to change from reacting to responding this is a great tool for providing ourselves with emotional relief.

I’m saying emotional relief because most negative thoughts and reactions are emotional responses to a situation or circumstance or event.  Find a way to work your way to a more pleasant emotional response and you will find relief to your need to respond rather than react.

We are NOT the event or a circumstance…. we are who we think we are.

Have an amazing day!


Permanent Motivation

In the words of Zig Ziglar, “Motivation is not permanent, but then neither is bathing. …that doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t approve of it, in fact, I strongly encourage it.” 

Experts agree, most people are confused about motivation and positive thinking. The fact is, motivation is not permanent, everyone has experienced the transient nature of motivation, whether it’s painting your home, starting a new weight loss program, deciding to jog every day as a new exercise regime or pounding the pavement job hunting.  Your motivation is not permanent.

The good news is that, it’s not just you….it’s everyone. Motivation is NEVER permanent.  Motivation motivation is not permanent  it must be renewed every dayisn’t permanent because we all experience the lack of encouragement, or hindrances every step of the way.

In fact, when you hear success stories, what is the recurring theme?  Usually there is someone behind the scenes encouraging the individual, helping them overcome something that is averse to their success.  Someone behind the scenes helping them stay motivated with their belief in their abilities. Most success stories outline how parents or teachers were instrumental in pushing and encouraging the individuals, or how experiences as a child were influential in promoting a specific talent.  These stories prove by illustration that we are always fighting for motivation.

Positive thinking is similar to motivation in that manner, no one is every happy 100% of the time.  And contrary to what some would have you think, positive thinking won’t let you do anything.  For instance, as a 50 year old woman, I will not be able to compete for a position on a professional football team as a  linebacker, while some would argue that it’s not possible because I am not thinking positively about the situation, I will say this, that my belief in the positive movement runs more along the lines of: Whether you think you can, or can’t you are right.  In the words of Wayne Gretzky, “You will miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”, in other words, if you try something, you might fail….if you don’t try, you definitely fail.

This is where motivation is tied closely to positive thinking, while I may never be a linebacker, I am a successful writer.  My motivation, like your motivation is transient and must be renewed daily.  My ability to believe in my abilities is constantly being eroded by external conditions.

I want to stop here (and go off on a little tangent) about the difference between who we are vs. the conditions we experience.   You are NOT the traffic you sit in on your way to work.  You are NOT the shoes you are wearing, or the job you perform.  Zig Ziglar says, “Failure is an event, not a person” (as you can see I’m on a little ZZ kick at the moment) Do you see the difference?  When we identify with the conditions we experience now, it sometimes makes it difficult to visualize our end result, our goal.

Goals (ok, back on topic now) are the main way to achieve daily motivation.  Having goals, imagining the end result, fixing on a specific outcome, is the best way to encourage yourself to continue to seek motivation.  Oh, by the way, you need to actively look for your motivation, it’s no one elses job to motivate you.  In fact, you will find that most people will try to suck you back into the dark abyss or lack when they sense that you are climbing out of the hole. (I know, I’m getting a little dramatic, but it’s true!)

The fact is, that since motivation isn’t permanent, it must be renewed.  Every day, you have to figure out a way to motivate yourself.  Too often, we judge our accomplishments BEFORE we self motivate and that in fact becomes another limiting factor in our life.  We limit our own forward movement by “taking stock” before we are properly motivated.

Imagine, the difference in viewing your accomplishments from the viewpoint of someone motivated to move forward towards a goal versus someone who has judged the previous forward movement thus far too slow?

In my opinion, we should each morning listing to a message of encouragement, education and motivation.  Unfortunately, those messages are almost never found on the radio or television, because the “news media” isn’t in business to encourage us.  It’s no one elses job to encourage and motivate you, so you have to take it into your own hands and investigate the best way to keep your level of motivation up.

Here are some speakers I would look for:

Zig Ziglar
Brian Tracey
Anthony Robbins
Micheal Port
Wayne Dyer
Suzie Orman
Deepak Chopra

I listen to their audio books using the audible app in my car, I listen to Youtube recordings.  And each time I listen I am reminded of something or I am renewed or I am encouraged.  I remember when I used to drive to work listening to music.  I would experience the joy of the music and the sunrise and traffic and the other sights and sounds and it was awesome.  Now, I have those same feelings except instead of just feeling good, I am also receiving the value of direction.

Listening to a motivational speaker every morning is like having a personal coach, with you each day helping you understand your challenges and encouraging you not to get bogged down in other people’s stuff, that you worry about you, and when you change what you think about, you change your life.

Let me know if you can think of anyone else that’s particular good at motivation!




Easily Reduce Stress

Stress is one of those words.  We can all agree on the literal definition, but the word carries such strong personal history, it can mean different things to different people.  Some people may believe that stress is a measurement for a job worth doing or a job well done or even a measure of their self-worth.  Most people will say that they don’t want it, but many people will wave the flag of too much stress as a banner of achievement and merit.

Let’s agree that stress is “a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances“.  Let’s pay attention to the word adverse, even the dictionary is saying, stress is bad.  However, we’ll need to agree that since it’s a “mental or emotional” response to circumstances, everyone will recognize stress differently and in diverse areas of their lives.  So while I may be able to sit in a mini-van with three lively chatting, loudly laughing and singing 11 year olds (at least on most days) not everyone could handle that.

It’s that “different” bit that makes is hard for us to recognize when we are personally suffering from stress related “mental or emotional strain”.  We look around and see other people doing what we are doing and they seem fine, so we can’t figure out why we aren’t.  We see other people, maybe even have itimagine your happiness with www.healthwellnessandsuccess.com harder, and seem ok… so why do we struggle?

The fact is, we spend more time judging ourselves against our perception of what we think other people are feeling, then understanding ourselves and how we feel.  For the moment, this isn’t about anyone else, this is about you.  You are in charge of what you think, and how you think about the things you think about. If you make a decision to do something, you need to decide how you are going to think about it.

How do I propose to explain how to easily reduce stress?  Simple. I’m going to help you understand how you are experiencing stress and how it is affecting you, and you are going to agree to change how you think about it.

Step One: Recognizing Stress

The first step to an easy stress relief is to recognize when you are experiencing stress. Whether you are chatting with friends, taking instruction from a boss, driving on the highway or dropping your car off for service, you are the only one that knows if you are experiencing stress.   You must decide to recognize when you are stressed.

This is easily done by checking in with yourself through the day.  Ask, “Am I happy?” or “Am I content?” or “Am I feeling abundant?”  If the answer to the question you ask is no, than it’s time to determine what you are feeling.

This is usually easily done by finishing a few “I am”.  I suggest you finish the statement “I am feeling” 5 times and see what you’ve written. For instance, saying:

I am feeling… bored

I am feeling… scared

I am feeling… under-appreciated

I am feeling… frustrated

I am feeling… used

(Keep it short, and don’t explain.  This isn’t about why you are feeling a certain way, it’s not about the person, place, circumstance or situation that you believe is causing you to feel something, this is only and completely about how you feel)

Step Two: Tell a different story

Literally tell yourself a different story.  Decide to change your “I am” statement to something encouraging and inspiring.  If the topic that is oppressing you resonates so negatively that there is no way to flip, then go more general.

For instance, if you feel that your job is soul crushingly oppressive, start by going very general and recognizing the benefit of having a paycheck.  Leave it at the positive, don’t get dragged down the negative path of lack.

The hardest part about step two is our habit of cancellation.  You know, when we say something positive that’s immediately followed by a negative.

Like a compliment.  Someone says, “Did you do something different with your hair, it looks lovely” and you reply, “Oh, really, I just threw it up to get it out of my eyes”

Step two is all about the positive statements, no negatives.  You need to learn to accept compliments, especially from yourself.

Now, change your “I am” statements to something more from your imagination of a perfect situation.

I am worthy

I am powerful

I am in charge

I am filled with joy and abundance

I am skilled


Step Three: Whenever possible, imagine happiness

Step three may seem redundant, but the difference between steps two and three are intention.  Step two is telling you that once you’ve recognized your stressful situation, decide to turn it around. Step Three is pro-active.

Don’t wait for stress, decide today, at multiple moments throughout the day to be happy.  Choose something, your purse, your shoes, your computer screen saver, a cloud rolling by your window of a funny thing you kids said the other day, choose happiness.  Imagine happiness.  Decide that when you have a moment to think, you are going to make it a moment of happiness, joy and abundance.

Summary:  Seems too easy, right?  Here’s the thing, how you feel about what you feel about is completely and totally in your control.  You are the only person that can create or change how you feel about things.

All our lives people have been telling us how we should feel about things, and I’ll admit it’s difficult to get out of that default setting. And your level of relief is going to be different than mine. However, if you want to live your life you need to recognize that you are the one making the decisions.  Take control of your life, imagine happiness.